Come Sail Away Post #52

            Come Sail Away” by Styx, I guess you can say, is the theme song for my life. Several months ago, I was cooking dinner when my kids were in the next room talking and I heard Shanon say, “You should hear Mom sing Come Sail Away!”  To which they said, “I love when she sings that!”  Though I’m not much of a singer, I’m certain what they love is my heart and passion when it comes on.

I'm sailing away,
Set an open course for the virgin sea,
'Cause I've got to be free,
Free to face the life that's ahead of me,
On board, I'm the captain, so climb aboard,
We'll search for tomorrow on every shore,
And I'll try, Oh Lord I'll try, to carry on

               

As a child I was the adventurer of the family and on hikes, my sister Kare and I always led the pack anxious to see what was around the next bend.  Many times, while walking somewhere I would notice a path and veer off to find out where it went; probably not the smartest thing to do but I couldn’t stand not knowing.  In 2007 I began studying the mind, body and spirit connection and started looking at things from the ‘energy’ perspective.  Everything either feeds or bleeds, and some things that initially feed will ultimately bleed if we linger too long. 

I look to the sea,
Reflections in the waves spark my memory,
Some happy, some sad,
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had,
We lived happily forever, so the story goes,
But somehow we missed out on the pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can to carry on

            Since childhood, I often stop to look back and reflect;    “Where have I been, where am I at, and where am I going?”   Failure has been my companion more times than  necessary, and there were ‘happily ever after’s’ that never happened.  Being more than half way through life, every so often I ask myself, "How do I get to where I want to go?" At times I have questioned God, myself, and my alleged Guardian Angels and even contemplated kicking some Angel butt and telling them they were nothing but a bunch of dumb asses.   But again I would find myself praying…to God,  the universe, and even to my Guardian Angels,  seeking direction and asking  for wisdom.

A gathering of angels appeared above my head,
They sang to me this song of hope and this is what they said,
They said come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me lads,
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me,
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me baby,
Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me

               

And one day, the answer came and it is quite simple; the ‘power of next’.   Who is standing next to you?  Who are you investing your energy – time and resources - in?    Until then I thought that most people had been a positive experience.  But it was as though I was being probed further.   How long have I hung on to relationships that have outlived the purpose of our lives intersecting?  Who has been let in that shouldn’t have?   Who did I keep out that should have been let in?   I thought back to my college years;  a boss saw leadership qualities and begged me to stay with the company and let her mentor me into a management position but I didn’t have the confidence and moved on;  the young men who stepped forward and offered their friendship and love, the same men who actually turned out to be great people.   

But there were times when opportunity knocked on my door and I brought the wrong people along because I could see the potential in them, while at the same time, pushing my own horizon further away.  

       My eyes were opened to well-meaning people who come along and, rather than walking with us thru overcoming our fears and failures, they help us repackage it so that it looks prettier, more palatable and convenient to them.  Yet we find ourselves eventually doing nothing more than the hokey pokey but to a different song.  

       There were times I was too shy to step forward with what I had to bring to the table when I spotted people with shared passion, goals and energy, only to find out years later that they had identified the same in me but the message I gave was that of disinterest and it discouraged them from stepping out.

But one thing I will never stop doing is ‘sailing’.   I will continue to ‘Face the life that’s ahead of me’ and ‘search for tomorrow on every shore’.    I’m more conscious of who is allowed into my life and will be quick to part ways with those whose shared path is only meant for a short part of the journey – as hard and painful as this can be.  I’m committed to walking with those I love, through their fears and pain rather than repackaging it for my own convenience.   I will travel and explore the world and all life has to offer as I can.  But most of all, I will step forward – both in friendship and love – and accept the risks and potential pain that may come with that because one thing I have never stopped believing in is ‘happily ever after’.

Mardi-Balling Post #51

Mystic Stripers Queen

            Since moving to Mobile in 2008, I have done anywhere from three to eight balls per year during the 4 week season.   Working from home  my first five years here afforded me the option of sleeping in on the following mornings.  Last year, I started a fulltime job outside the home in late January, right at the start of the carnival season.  At the same time, I had the flu and eight ball invitations at hand.  Adjusting to a corporate schedule for the first time in 10 years, by the time the balls rolled around, I was already exhausted and didn’t want to mess up things at work so it was imperative to come up with a new approach to ‘Mardiballing’.

            The key thing to know is that maneuvering through whole season means balancing the parades, balls, and peripheral activities such as brunches, lunches, receptions and dinners during that time with real life.   I learned the art of doing the ‘doll and dash’;  doll up, dash to the ball, watch the callouts (tableau), have a bite to eat and a drink, greet the host, perhaps a dance or two, and dash back out the door between 10:30 – 11:30.  I’ve become quite proficient at being home in bed by the pumpkin hour.

Order of Persephone - Emblem

  Talking to others in the same situation, they would do things differently –  either come for the long haul and deal with the repercussions in the morning, or to skip the tableau and show up to eat and drink, enjoying the latter half.  But contrary to most Mobilians - who were born and raised here - the one part I wouldn’t miss is the tableau (call-outs) and there are a few reasons for that.  First it is what the society members live for all year; to parade and their ball tableau.  It is their time of recognition, as silly and funny as it can be.  In my own opinion, making that part of the ball shows appreciation and respect for the host who invited me – though having 20 plus balls per season (as many do) could very well change my mind on that. 

Order of Persephone - Queen

But the main reason I love the tableaus is, because after six years of living here, I still haven’t gotten over the fact that this even goes on; that there are forty plus balls per season and each entail hundreds of people in brand new costumes, a king and/or queen with robes that start at around $10,000 and can go up to six figures – from what I’ve been told.  I still can’t believe that everyday people are willing to dress in silly costumes, parade around the city, spend hundreds of dollars out of their own pockets to throw beads, toys, moon pies and other goodies to crowds that can be 50,000 to about 120,000 when the season is in full swing.  And then after that, they host their balls and are introduced on the stage as they bow to the king/queen and dance down the stairs in the spotlight.  I mean, seriously!  You would never see such a thing where I came from and anyone who even thought of it would be considered a fool.

Venus Queen & Court - Pre-robe.

Yet, here’s literally thousands who do just that, and then tens-of-thousands more who show up to watch the stuff and celebrate.  All those years back, while shoveling snow and holding my breath while running from the car to the house to keep my lungs from freezing, never in my wildest dreams would I believe that there was a place that actually did this even one time, let alone over and over for a period of four weeks every year.

But now that I know this, there is no turning back.  No matter how tired I get, how many times I find myself in tears when I remember that I have a ball that night and I’m already exhausted, I will still muster up the energy to go, if only for the call outs.  There is something extremely empowering about going to parades and balls when the news and my northern Facebook friends are sharing their struggles with the horrible winters.  It is almost a feeling of cheating death.  Perhaps I have the fear of forgetting the suffocating feeling that I constantly felt while living in that weather, and the immense amounts of time that were spent managing the snow; time that is now spent on parades, balls, and all of the other festivities.  For me, Mardi Gras is a way of celebrating freedom and my own escape from my ex, whose name is ‘Old Man Winter’.