With Father’s Day coming, I’ve been thinking
a lot about my dad and the patriarchs of
our family. On both sides, we were always told to look
beyond the ‘here and now’ at how our own decisions, actions, and choices will
affect future generations, particularly
our own children and grandchildren.
As a
kid, Dad and Grandpa (Grandpaw) never missed an opportunity to turn something into a life lesson whether an event, a story, or even a walk in
nature. It forced us to think beyond
what we could see, to understand how the past relates to the present, and the
present to the future for those who follow us.
They showed us life from a much broader perspective than our own reality
and enabled us to see ourselves in context to the rest of the world. Furthermore, both Dad and Grandpa made conscious decisions
at certain intervals in their lives that they knew would impact their own
family line. For example, Dad was born
and raised in the hills of Kentucky where boot legging and the KKK lurked
in the mountainous woods until he was 13. Grandpa had
always said, “The people in the hills are
either very good or very bad. There’s
not much in between.” Knowing that the
dice rolled 50/50, he made a decision to move his family out of Appalachia to Fairborn, Ohio where the kids would have a better shot at an education and
would be able to see the world outside the hills. And he was right! His decision to uproot his family to move to a strange place and start over meant
that his seven kids were positioned for better education and
opportunities. And this is what led a farm boy (Dad) from the
mountains of Kentucky to serve a term in the Navy, graduate from Ohio
State as an Electrical Engineer, and work for 14 years on the Gemini space program with GE and Martin Marietta. Dad had turned down a job offer from his
commanding navy officer, Ross Perot - who had just started his own Electrical Engineering
Company - to work with well-known GE and Martin Marrietta.
The Gemini program was to show that
we could send more than one person to space in one capsule for an extended
period of time which, at that time, was two people for two weeks. In order to put a man aboard, they had to
launch 3 successful missiles first. The
contract agreement was to send up 15 missiles.
After 8 missiles, all goals were accomplished so new goals were
established, all of which were met and completed and after 12 missiles they had worked themselves
out of a job by doing it so well and the last three launches were cancelled. Martin Marietta had the launch vehicle – the
house to hold everything. Dad worked for GE and they had the radio
guidance system which meant that once the ‘umbilical cord’ broke, they had to
be able to remotely control the missile from the ground. They also had the range safety system so that
if the missile got out of control and posed a danger they
would blow it up – which dad is thankful they never had to do.
Once the mission was successful, Dad and a crew of 14,
including his team of 4 electrical engineers, had completed their part of the
project and were then moved to a new project. After GE he bought a struggling company
called Microwave Systems – the kind of microwaves that go through space – and
built the company back up and sold it in the early 80’s to Corvis, where he
continued to work the first couple of years as president.
But as a child, I remember dad
always talking about two things – and this
is where we get into legacies and the example that he is for me. He would take us to lumber companies and
hardware stores where we would spend hours (or so it seemed to little girls who
thought about fancy hats and ballet slippers) as he measured, took notes and
strategized. He said that someday, when
he retired, he wanted to open a
building and supply store. And in all
honesty, I often wondered, “Who does he
think he is? He’s not a business
owner! He’s an electrical engineer!” What that was I hadn’t a clue!’ All knew was that his briefcase – which he
would never let us open unless he was there – was filled with proctors, graph
paper with what looked like encrypted drawings, and various types of
instruments that did not even remotely resemble the everyday tools that were in
those stores.
The other thing he talked about was
moving into the country to buy land and do enough farming to feed his family
from the fruits. These two dreams were
so far from where our lives were, yet he scrimped, saved, and planned, even
when those around him did not see the value or the feasibility of attaining his
goal, nor did we like living on a tight budget that meant we didn’t always get
what we wanted when we wanted it. But Dad
knew it would mean a better tomorrow.
And so many times we must have felt like dead weight, being pulled along
to a place we couldn’t see nor did we have the faith to believe in. During that time, I would often find Dad
reading the bible and studying books about money, how it works, and how to live
your passions. In 1977 he moved us north
and shortly after I graduated from High School, after retiring from Corvis, he retired he opened
his first Building and Home Center, then purchased Agway Farm and Feed Store,
and has since bought into the ACE Hardware system.
What impresses me most is that Dad
had a vision just like Grandpa did. He saw
the long-term value and knew what was best for his family. All of the sacrifices resulted in us having a
healthy and vibrant dad who still runs multiple businesses and travels the
country in his 80's. Did I mention that he
and our step-mom went para-sailing and paddle boarding 2 years ago?
But there is more about Dad as
a family man; like the time we were at a church camp swimming hole and Dad was
on a hill fully clothed in his suit, glasses, watch and good shoes and we were
in the water. My sister Sandy (Gug)
stepped off of a drop-off and began struggling while Kare and I begged the
adults in the water to help, particularly the fat guy next to us flirting with
a woman, who we punched and scratched his back to get his attention to no
avail, when suddenly like a flash out of nowhere Dad ran down the hill and dove
into the water, suit, glasses, shoes, watch, wallet and all and pulled her out
before the adults who were right there knew it was happening.
Then there was the camping trip when
we were hiking in the woods by a shallow river with big rocks in the middle. Dad had a state-of-the-art, 35 millimeter
camera that captured our whole lives to that point. We’d have ‘slide nights’ on the ‘big screen’
with popcorn. He asked me go get his
camera. Coming back, just as I was
handing it to him, I slipped on a rock and both the camera and I were under
water. Dad grabbed my arm and pulled me
out as I begged forgiveness for getting the camera wet. But his reaction surprised me when he said, “Honey, I don’t care about the camera! All I care about is you!” The camera never worked again and our slide
shows came to a screeching halt. I knew
we couldn’t afford another one, yet nothing was ever said about it again.
Dad was also the greatest boyfriend
scarer, creep warder-off-er, and jerk prevention expert a girl could ask – and may
I say we did not always appreciate that at the time. Many would-be beaus were scared off and only
the boldest and bravest made it past our front door. One time Dad and I were walking into the
house when a two guys in a car yelled some vulgar things to me. I had no idea who they were but my first
thought was, “Oh crap! Dad’s going to think I know them or that I
somehow attracted that kind of attention!”
Dad ordered me back in the car and, as though we were on a high-speed police
chase and he was the cop, we screeched out of the driveway and flew down the
road then whipped around another corner just in time to see the other car come
to an abrupt stop in a dirt driveway and two figures, unidentifiable in the
cloud of dust, ran into a house.
Dad ordered me to stay in the car
and, like a bat out of hell, ran up and pounded on the door so hard that it
actually bowed in each time his fist connected to the door and I was certain it
was going to break in half and fly off the hinges. Finally, the door opened a crack and a voice
said, “Mr. Deaton, that was ‘Steve’ who
did that and he said to tell you he’s sorry!”
Dad ordered ‘Steve’ to come out but the voice said, “Mr. Deaton, he’s hiding in the back room
and won’t come out because he’s afraid!” After several attempts, Dad made it clear
that if they ever come near any of his daughters or if he ever catches them talking to any girl like that again, he will ‘beat the tar’ out of them. The voice, shaken and high pitched, assured
him that they would not ever do that again.
We never knew who the voice was.
Twenty five years later, I was at
work when my employees told me a man who looked like he stepped out of the
Gentlemen Quarterly magazine and driving a Lamborghini stopped in to see
me. He told them he went to school with
me and hasn’t seen me for 25 years. I
had missed him and spent the next two months wondering who on earth it
was. I was across the street when my
employees paged me and said, “The GQ guy
is back to see you!” Full of curiosity,
I ran back over and after a guessing game that GQ made me participate in, I
still had no idea. Finally, he identified
himself. He was a shy, seemingly nice
kid from an extremely poor and dysfunctional home life with deplorable conditions. He explained that he had recently retired
from the Navy after 20 years and that his life had gone quite well and there
were two people he had always wanted to go back to see to let know that he had
done well with his life and that was my dad and I. In high school, though we hung with many of the same people, he never said 'boo' so I didn’t know why he picked me or my dad, whom I was certain he didn’t know.
“But I do know your dad!” he explained. “Do you
remember when some guys yelled some things to you and you and your dad chased
them down? Well, I was the guy behind the door! And let me tell you, we were shitting bricks! But up until that day, I never saw a man who
loved and protected his daughters like that and I realized that that is the kind of father I wanted to be.
I have a daughter now and if anyone ever said that to her, I’d be just like ‘Brant’!” What
struck me most is that he knew Dad’s first name (we were new in town at
that time and it was years before Dad actually worked up there.) But he explained that, that day changed his life and he had always wanted to make Dad proud.
He did go see Dad after that and apologized and told him the same
story. And Dad was proud!
There were the many nights when for
whatever reason, there was a knock at the door at 2 a.m. and Dad would grab his
gun and order us to stay up the stairs and we’d all hover on the stairway as he
opened the door pointing the gun and saying, “What do you need?” This
happened when the man fell into our well in the middle of the night – another story
– and when people broke down in the country, or when some dumb smart alec
thought it was okay to come visiting at 2 a.m.
Regardless, we always knew that as long as Dad was around, we were safe.
Dinner time was always the best
because no matter what, we ate around the table and that was when we saw dad at
his best; happy, joking, and all of us went to the dinner table expecting to
laugh, talk, share, and relax, and always feeling a little more connected
afterwards.
When I think of Dad, I think of safety. I think of perseverance and vision. Having a dream, a goal, and a vision even
when others can’t, or won’t, and going
for it because not only is it best for him, it is best for those who depended on him to be healthy and
happy. As children, our vacations were
filled with nature, blue skies and, ironically, rocket ships, military planes,
and the history of our country. And
every time the national anthem played and I saw the American flag and the blue
sky and my Dad’s blue eyes, I thought that somehow, they were all
inter-related. It all had something to
do with Dad. Whenever I put my hand over
my heart to say the Pledge of Allegiance, I think of Dad and Grandpa, who
dared to dream, dared to step out of their comfort zones and embark on new
adventures for the betterment of themselves and the future generations of their family. I think of the time that both served our
country and, the more I do so, the more I am convinced that it is all related; Dad’s blue eyes, the blue skies, the American flag,
safety, peace, security, and love. Yes! They are definitely all related!
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Eventually I became accustomed to Laura’s word for Pee and accepted the fact that she not only uses
it for her kids, but for herself, and even me. It was a sunny, warm, fall day when I went to the doctors for the first time in
Mobile. During the triage, they take your blood pressure and weight. The
nurse chatted happily, as most Mobilians do, as she put the pressure belt on my
arm and continued her banter throughout the process. Then she handed me a cup and said, 
