The Good Ga's!!! Post #20

        Another thing I love about the south is the easy conversation among southern women. It reminds me of how my mom related to her four girls and how I relate to mine. I had very close friends in the north and we had plenty of conversations, but northerners have more of a self-preservation mind-set. Most share experiences and perceptions on life, but only in bite-sized chunks so that the receiver can digest it piece-by-piece, or perhaps never really get the full picture. There are some who share like southern women do. They are the one’s whose spirits were manufactured in the Deep South but, for some reason ended up in the body of a northerner.

         Communication among southern women validates one’s femininity as well as the masculinity of the men in our lives and what they need to make them tick. (Food, sex and football! But that’s all I have to say about that!) In the north, discussion about men takes on more of a feminist approach, one that I could never fully relate to.


        Our society often celebrates the woman behind a successful man, or simply women in general. This certainly is not to discredit all that. We are to be celebrated!!! It is only to balance it with the fact that, success for both partners’ lies not only in themselves, but the other as well. But we see little celebrating of our men, and never hear about the great men who are behind confident, successful women, whether it is having a wonderful experience as a stay-at-home mom (her experience depends largely on her male counterpart) or her professional success. So, just for a moment, in this time and place, be a fly on the wall during the conversation of southern women about ‘The Good Ga’s’.

      To clarify, a Ga is really a guy, pronounced as you would saying Lady Ga Ga. This is Deep South speak for ‘guy’. I was with some girlfriends for a night of wine, food and chat at one of their houses. We sat in the bricked, garden courtyard with a fireplace on one side and a fountain on the other. The warm, soft southern breeze carried the scent of sweet olives through the evening air, and only the full moon and a few candles lit the night. We poured wine into the crystal wineglasses and the conversation began. I was used to the north, where you edged your way into it and made sure you knew and trusted your audience and then you only skimmed the surface. These ladies had been friends for years and immediately drew me into their circle. Many times that night, I thought, “You mean, we can say that?!?!”

        Two of the women were married and another, a hair dresser,   is from a physician after 15 years of marriage and is in a monogamous relationship. I had been married 20 years and dated only Les since then. The first two shared what made them happy and content in their marriages, and what needed work. The other divorcee and I talked about our pasts and our thankfulness to now have a ‘normal’ Ga in our life. The more wine we drank, the deeper our thinking became.


        We began defining normal. A normal Ga is one whom you know where they are – even if they are not with you, simply because they have the courtesy to let you know. They are the ones who call every few hours to touch base even when you don’t call them. They pull no disappearing acts nor do they have a secret world of which their wives or girlfriends have no part, or addictions/habits that take precedence over the people they claim to love the most. They are happy to provide for their families and even thrive on it. They are not physically or emotionally abusive rather, they clearly understand that their own happiness and success is directly linked to that of their partner and vise versa.

       A little more wine helped us to think even deeper and take it a step further as we then talked about Good Ga’s. Name after name came up as we, in a God-like mode, decided who the Good Ga’s are in our community. I noticed the inflection and emphasis on the word ‘Good’, as though in awe, each time my southern girlfriends called a man a ‘Good Ga’. Our northern counterparts tend to be a little more monotone on the subject.


      Then we began defining what makes a Ga ‘a Good Ga’. Our four-woman think tank passionately began to determine the characteristics. But before I go into our glorious criterion and make all the feminists out there puke, let’s be clear that we are perfectly aware the Good Ga’s aren’t perfect! No matter how nice they are, how well they dress, how much money is in their bank accounts, or how many letters are behind their names, they all burp and fart when you get them home! The difference is, with a jerk, it just makes them all the more repulsive. With a Good Ga, it is more endearing because we are the one they chose to be their burp/fart confidant. Being privy to their not-so-pleasant sides make their strengths look all the more attractive and we do our best to hone the good rather than the other! What is a Good Ga?

       First, they make life safer for the rest of us, or shall I say, grounded. They are the men that the community naturally looks to as the leaders, whether or not appointed. They are the problem solvers. We love to support them but we don’t stand in their way because they are quite capable. They are fair, even tempered, and seem to look out for the overall good of everyone, though when push comes to shove, their families are first. They are the ‘Watchmen on the Wall’, and often Knights in Shining Armor during a crisis. They are the men who may, or may not have been, our top picks in high school but their sweet spirits, steady temperament, and well roundedness earn them more respect and admiration with each passing year. The Good Ga’s are the ones that, as girls mature into women they realize are the true gems!

       It was discussed with an ‘us or them’ connotation, meaning that the ‘Good Ga’s’ were on our side. They were held in high esteem. I thought a lot about the“Good Ga’s” in my own life; those in high school who were gentlemen way back then. How easy it was when Les came along because, though I hadn’t seen him in 25 years, he has always been, to anyone who knew him, a Good Ga! I thought of my male friends in college who maintained protective, friendship stances, were gentlemen, and just plain Good Ga’s. I think of the close male friends, also gentlemen, over the years, the ones who made me feel safe, grounded, and made life better than it would have been without them. I hold these men high in respect and honor.

        I love the Good Ga’s! Good Ga’s live hard, love hard, and play hard. Only they play the right games and love the right people! They realize that it’s not about the ‘here and now’ rather the legacy they will hand down. They don’t invest time and energy into people and things who do not affect the bottom line of their legacy. Good Ga’s value their religion and God. They love passionately – both their women and their community. They are trustworthy, reliable, safe, and nice! They ground everyone around them and just make the world a much, much better place to live. So, Here's to the Good Ga's! I love the Good Ga's!!