The Bugs of Mobile Post # 22

There is that weird bug shown on right that my co-worker found in the top of her garbage can at work. (There are two bugs, mother and baby I guess.)

One of the hardest things in my life was making the decision to move south. I desperately wanted to do it but had put it off for decades. There was always a job, a friend, a house, or just the logistics of it all seemed so overwhelming. Like most people do when attempting to make big, life-changing decisions, they wait until they are backed into a corner, either financially, relationship-wise, or in my case, hating-winter wise.

        After making the decision, I was faced with the daunting task of what to sell, throw out, give away or keep. As I stated in an earlier post, I put everything in my 3800 square foot house on Craigslist and decided whatever was left, we’d load in a 24’ truck and start over.

The easiest thing that I ever did in my life was arrive in Mobile and adjust to a totally new and different culture from how I had lived the previous 40+ years of my life. Perhaps it was easy because my spirit had told me all along that this is how my life should have been. I just hadn’t known where to find it.

 It took less than 24 hours here to realize though, that there were some things to adjust to; the size of the bugs! The first soul I met was a Palmetto bug, also called ‘giant roaches’, though they are not even cousins in the bug family. I had been warned about them. Barry, our built-in-biologist (see earlier posts), was sure to give me the run-down on the bugs to keep us from turning around and moving right back to New York.

         I was sitting in my living room late in the evening, strategizing my next phase of unpacking. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a mouse run by. Startled, I jumped up and screamed for Les. Upon further examination, however, I realized it was not a mouse. It was a Palmetto bug! At that moment, I decided that if I were going to survive here and not be on-edge worrying about these ugly buglies, I needed to ‘stalk the stalker!’  So I did just that. 


        I grabbed the nearest shoe that did not belong to me and chased the darn thing mercilessly, determined not to be afraid. It was at that moment, my spirit made peace with those guys. ‘Palmetto bugs and snow cannot co-exist’. As long as they are here, there would be no snow. A major epiphany filled my being unlike any ever before; This bug and I were on the same page! To him, snow meant death. To me, it meant the death of my spirit. We were kinfolk, him and I. Yet he was ugly, he was in my house, and he must die. Shanon’s shoe did a great job!

          Afterwards, I googled ‘palmetto bugs’ to find out everything I could about them, as I was now their new stalker! Horror story after horror story were written of people claiming that they grow new heads, if you cut them in half they duplicate, they rise from the dead 4 and 5 times and, that they are unsmashable. Many told of lying in bed only to discover they were sharing it with a palmetto bug. My new expertise, however, showed that these bugs don’t do any of the above and are quite smashable. They are actually very fragile.

        They enter the house through chimneys, or any type of hole that leads outside, or worse, they fly in. Yes! These are flying bugs. I had heard it but didn’t believe it until one night I was at Ellen’s house. Her kitchen windows were open when one flew in. Ellen began a hysterical wailing that I had never imagined coming out of my soft spoken, old-south friend. “A Roach just flew in here! Close all the windows!” By the time I got to the windows, about three had flown in. What is strange is that once they get inside, they turn into crawlers and seem to never fly again.

      Even more ironic, by morning they are all laying on their backs either appearing dead or really dead. You never know which till you go to pick them up. I’ve often wondered, “What the heck?” Do they just say, “Uh oh! The sun’s coming out! Time to flip over pancake!” Once they are on their back, they can’t do much but wiggle their legs, unless by some unfortunate mistake, you accidently flip them upright while trying to dispose of them. Then you are on for the chase of your life!

        I hurriedly closed the windows, all the while explaining to Ellen that they are not roaches. Roaches are just too disgustingly gross to fathom having around. I assured her that they are quite smashable, only to provoke her high-pitchedness. Once again, I greeted my new ugly friends and thanked them for holding off the snow but proceeded to search for the nearest shoe that was not mine. Ellen thanked me profusely as I went on my killing rampage in her kitchen.

       The key thing is, there are always things in life that are irritating, upsetting, or just plain inconvenient. We don’t have to like them, but we must live with them. What a shame it would be to let these ugly little monsters ruin my paradise. As a matter of fact, they are my ugly reminder that I live in a beautiful place. But there are more big bugs. Many more! 

        There are the Banana Spiders (see picture on right) that seem more native to here, than northern Alabama. This isn't hard to figure out when the out-of-town students at the boarding school next door walk by and do double takes at the spiders, then pull out their cameras, just as we had.


        Our built-in Biologist believes in the most environmentally safe methods of mosquito control. Therefore, much to his girlfriend’s dismay, he allows them to weave their webs all around their yard. Many times in the mornings, while having coffee on my porch, I watch Biologist Barry – who forgets the spider habitat in the corner of his yard - or Jonathan, his 20+ stepson who vehemently hates spiders, leave the yard by cutting through the corner. They run into the webs and begin what I call“The Spider Dance” all the way down the street.

         Many people do spider dances, including students, early morning joggers and evening dog walkers, while I sit on my porch, laughing my butt off. They peacefully, almost dreamily walk down the street,  when suddenly, they are covered with spider webs and have no idea where the spider is. I watch amused, as they continue on their way, flailing down the street. Others notice the spiders as they walk by and do a startled double-take. The screams, squawks, and flailing dances over these harmless creatures provide hours of entertainment.

    There are the black grasshoppers that are as big as my hands. Barry, our biologist, had taken the kids and I across over the bay-way to see alligators. While there, someone noticed a big, black dead bug that made Palmetto bugs look like ants. After gasps of horror, biologist Barry began to point out the dead carcasses that lined the trails as well as the live ones that hopped happily around. He picked a couple up, holding them in his hand to show us they, too, are harmless.

Well, he's not a bug but he is butt ugly!  On the plus side, the first time we went to see a gator, we had dinner on the bayway on a balcony overlooking the bay, then went to see the gators. On the way back across the bay, the sun was huge in the sky as it set over the city of Mobile.  It was such a beautiful sight and I thanked God that I live in a place where the only ugly thing I saw that day was a gator.

       Then we went back to the boardwalk where we can look for gators. What we saw was something very disturbing; these crabby looking things that covered the sand and are about half the size of my hand. They are not water crabs, rather a combination of a bug and a crab and are all along the edges of the bayou. Having seen signs at seafood markets that say, “Get Your Mudbugs Here!” my first thought was that these were mudbugs. I was ready to go grab a net and catch them for dinner when our biologist explained that these are not edible.

        There are many other bugs in Mobile; the swarms of beautiful dragon flies that hover around people and I imagine are government spies; The love bugs that fly around attached in twos. There are many theories about what they are doing. Since the bugs seem to be most prevalent around shopping centers, mine is that they are mommies and girls holding hands and shopping.   The red ants are just creepy little buttholes! But those are for another story. Red ants are kind of like ‘When the Lights When Out In Georgia!’ Everybody knows where they were and what they were doing the first time they got bit by a red ant.

These are crawfish (mudbugs)- like little lobsters and yummy!  

I’ve never been a bug person before coming Alabama. It became evident early on that making peace with their existence was crucial to fully enjoying my experience here. In many ways, they have enhanced it, as I have learned that even ugly things have a divine purpose. The bugs have taught me many things and have much more to teach. I often wonder; ‘How many times do we miss out on the things that we want the most in life, simply because we allow ourselves to be bugged by the things that matter the least.’