The Coffins Are Loose Post # 54

 “Only in New Orleans”.   Every place has those things that only happen there and, to the rest of the country, seem so foreign that some would wonder if it was fact or fiction.  Living on the Gulf Coast in the Deep South – snuggled in between Pensacola, Florida, Gulf Port, Mississippi, and on to New Orleans – Mobile has its own plethora of ‘believe it or not’ incidents.  These are occurrences that happen more than once and will likely happen again.  And these will be the focus of some of my next few posts.  But in this one, let’s go visit our western neighbors over in New Orleans.

I woke up one morning to a text from my sister in Oklahoma City that said, “Turn on the news and look what’s happening to your neighbors over in New Orlean!”.  Not having TV or internet, I had to wait till I got to work to discover what she was talking about.  On Yahoo news was the story of flooding over there and coffins coming out of the ground and floating down the street; something that has happened before and will happen again.  A co-worker came through the room and, seeing several of us huddling around the computer watching the news clips, she happily exclaimed, “Oh!  The coffins are loose again!”  And then she continued on as though it was just another day in the Deep South – which is exactly what is was!

My first thought was, “Only in New Orleans!”  But I was not referring to the flooding that happens occasionally.  Or the fact that the city lies in a bowl and is a sitting duck for storm surges.  My thought lied in the fact that in New Orleans, they really know how to turn any occasion into a grandiose affair.   A street car driver told us if a native New Orleanean catches a cold or flu, that’s cause for a party and many have been thrown for that reason.  Aside from their well-known Mardi-Gras celebrations, there are the jazz weddings and jazz funerals in which people parade the streets, and St. Patrick’s Day parades that they throw – yes throw – heads of cabbage and bags of potatoes and carrots to the crowds.  So much in fact, that nearly everyone who attends goes home with the ingredients for dinner in hand, but I often wonder, ‘How many people floating in those caskets died from getting hit by a cabbage, a bag or potatoes, or a bag of carrots on St. Patricks day?’  Then there are the many street musicians, all of which make every day feel like vacation and it is what gives New Orleans that slow moving ambiance that rendered the name ‘The Big Easy”.

Living in Mobile, often called ‘New Orleans Lite’, has rubbed off on me and I have learned the art of living well, right, and freely.  Then I think of dead people, particularly the northern dead, laying up there freezing their dead asses off in their graves during the caustic, bitterness of winter.  My mind shifts to the southern dead, sweating the pants off in their southern caskets and it is a toss-up deciding which I want to ultimately end up being.  But then I think of the New Orleans dead – particularly those who get to make a reappearance and float around in their caskets while the rest of the world is in chaos.  I mean think about it - and I can say this because my mom is dead but she had a great sense of humor.  You are sitting at the dinner table with the fam when suddenly you hear a crash at the door.  Your kid runs to look out the window and says, “Hey Mom!  Grandma’s back!”  Or another scenario:  “OMG!  Somebody go out there and catch Mom and Charlie before they end up in Lake Ponchartrain!” 

Now, I know this post is morbid and many with dead loved ones would not see the humor in this but think about it!  We spend our childhood thinking about what we want to do when we grow up.  We spend our adulthood thinking about what we want to do with our retirement.  We spend retirement thinking about our care should we need it when we are old.  But when was the last time you thought about what you want to do when you die?  And don’t give me the big, “I don’t care I’m going to heaven speech!”  or the more glorified version,  “I’m going to be dancing in glory before the Lord!”  Hell!  I know that!  But what does your body want to do when it dies?  And now that I know there is a choice, I know for damn skippy, if I  have the option to escape and float around during storms, I choose that!  Yes!  My body chooses the floating option; a more relaxed version of death.    And my downline of people – kids, grandchildren, and so forth, will always have to mind themselves and make the right decisions in life because they will never know when Grandma will come crashing at the door!