Like A Bull In A China Shop POST #72

As I mentioned in my last post, 'Shooing out 2017', it was a year of hard work and tough lessons; a year of investment without yet seeing the return. I was ready to see it go and looking forward to all of the wonderful things 2018 would bring. Surely it would be my redemption year from '17. And I still believe that it will be! But 2018 has rolled in, as the title says, like a bull in a china shop.

In a two and a half week period, I lost three dear friends. 

 In early January a friend of 35 years was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. He was a sweet spirit, someone I loved and respected a great deal. He passed away on January 30^th . Then another sweet friend passed away in her sleep. She lived alone. Yet a third friend of 27 years, whom we had gone through our three pregnancies at the same time; even our last, who were the cabooses seven years behind each of our oldest two. We were the same age. It is believed that she took her own life, though to know her and her family, she would be the last person you'd expect to do so.

It got me thinking – I know! I think too much! I'm sorry! It's who I am! Friend number one, Thom, was a sweet, gentle spirit who wanted nothing more than to see good things happen to other people. We had many backdoor conversations and his love of others, animals, and the earth made him a light in my life and the world a little bit nicer. I thought of how we take each other for granted, particularly those on the peripherals of our lives, never realizing how much of an effect they have had on us until they are gone.

Then there was Sweet Linda, my ballroom dance friend. A sweet, and may I say, beautiful person and spirit who just made the world around her a gentler place. She passed away the way she lived. Quietly, gently, and without drama. But living alone, it got me thinking. If I were to pass in the night, how long would it take for anyone to notice. It has made me think of my circle of friends and determine that, perhaps, I need to more people in my life to know my comings and goings, and to notice if one day I don't show up.

And then there was beautiful Amy. For

Christmas, Shanon got me a couple of books 'At Home with Madam Chic' and 'Lessons From Madam Chic' both of which were exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries and move into 2018. But Amy was Madam Chic. She was married with three beautiful children who, as mentioned earlier, mirrored my own kids' ages. They were well-to-do but not extravagant or overstated. Her décor was exquisite, yet simple. She was very organized and elegant, and did everything well. She was a second mom to Shanon, one of Shan's two New York moms. She seemed to have it all together. And this made me think....here I go thinking again...

Could this have been prevented? Did she reach out to anyone or did she feel too ashamed as many do when they are struggling. Our culture accepts people in their 'finished product' state, and labels and stigmatizes them during their stormy seasons of life when in reality, it's called 'human experience' and we all have them. We expect perfection at first glance and we are ready to delete, unfriend, or block anyone with a chink in their armor, though we all have our chinks. We hold back empowerment, encouragement, and healing words, that mean nothing to us and everything to them.

And why do we shun married couples when they are struggling, adding salt to already open wounds, when in reality, in the context of a lifetime, there will be rough patches along the way. Yet we treat them like leopards, closing the doors for them to even be brave enough to ask for help. We quietly slip away when they approach us in church, putting our own image over human compassion and kindness with superficial smiles planted on our faces as we gaze over their shoulder as though we were just on our way to an important conversation with someone more complete – at least at that moment.

I'm not trying to sound negative here. In general, I think the world is a pretty wonderful place. If there were a song to sum up my assessment on life, it would be, “It's a Wonderful World.” But burying our heads in the sand, and not talking about this stuff only sets us up for more 'if only's' and 'what if's' when the next person disappears from our lives. And I cringe when I see the facebook posts about suicide awareness and how the 'poster' is there for a listening ear, yet, then see the same people blistering others for their beliefs when they have no clue what the person may be dealing with in real life. The truth is we never know how we can make or break, not only someone's day, but their spirit. We can be the voice that brings them back to hope and reality, or we can be that person who inadvertently pushes them over the edge and never even know we were the deciding factor – whichever way it went.

In the dark of night there are no good answers; especially when there is no one there to assure you that everything will be alright. Once again, I realize that life is temporary and we are nothing more than a spec of dust that blows through this world in a microsecond of time, and people can be here today and gone tomorrow. In an electronic world of disconnect, it is more important than ever to pay attention and listen, to assist one another to rebuild, restore, forgive, and redeem when their path is rough, and help them to regain their balance and find their way back to a place of peace, dignity, and love.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking                                   

People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell

And echoed in the wells of silence