Will You Be My Valentine? Post # 61

         Since I received that first Facebook message from Scott, after getting the strange answer to my prayer, it was evident that this would be a walk of faith and part of that meant disallowing fear to be mistaken for gut yet, not being stupid or putting myself in danger.                                

        I would be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind that I could be wasting my whole holiday season alone, only to find out that Scott was spending it with someone else besides his family.  But my gut told me otherwise and, in the past, when my gut has spoken, it has always proven correct; often in the reverse. 

           But when Scott called several times throughout the days and evenings of Christmas Eve and Day, New Year’s Eve and day, spending what added up to hours, and ringing in both my New Year and his an hour later together on the phone, I was even more certain that only his family - who knew about our friendship - would put up with that.  I had thought about offering go to Arizona when he was not released to travel but felt that would be too forward.  Then Scott said he had thought of inviting me but was afraid of inconveniencing me at the last minute.  Once we realized were we on the same page, we were kicking ourselves for not speaking up.  That was as romantic as it got.

         

           As December slipped into January, I sensed Scott's energy wean.  Not about our friendship.  He texted and called every day.  But his voice was softer and he seemed to not be feeling well, and maybe even a little depressed.  As it became evident his treatment would be extended yet again, he became quieter.  I decided to send him a package.  It included many of the things we talked about - natural health remedies, a travel journal, magazines about Ireland, a candle to celebrate life, and some things I had gotten him for Christmas - had he come.  But I knew that these alone would not touch him where he needed it the most and that was his spirit.  So I wrote him a letter and a poem inside the journal.  Not a romantic one – we weren’t at that stage.   But just about going through a storm and emerging on the other side.   Something we would have to agree to share at another time.  Little did we know that the storm was still ahead and these were just the foretelling clouds.

            But there was something extraordinary about the timing of my package.  It was his birthday and I had no idea.  Really!   In this world of Facebook, I had no idea it was coming up and the timing was nearly impeccable, something we later found happens on both sides to each of us in regards to one another about many things.  He called me when he was opening it and named each thing thanking me.  He hadn't read the letter or the poem yet.  He would need to sit down with a cup of coffee and read it when he was alone.  Later he texted another thank you and how he enjoyed my writing and we chatted again that evening.  Pretty anti-climactic but I still had hoped it touched him on a deeper level but knew it would take time to digest.

       The next night, Friday, I was on my way to a friends house for dinner when my text notification sounded.  Scott and I had talked on and off that day but the tone identified him as the sender.  "Bella, will you be my Valentine?"  Will I be his Valentine?  I wasn't expecting such a bold message but what took me more by surprise was my own response.  There was no hesitation.  Absolutely I would be his Valentine!  I sent back one word.  "Yup!"  To which his one work text came back.  "Yehaw!"  Then I heard nothing for three hours but I smiled all through dinner.

            

        I texted back when I got home and asked, "Did you fall asleep after you asked me to be your Valentine?"  To which he answered, "Heck no!  You said YES!  I'm so pumped I've been cleaning and organizing my whole house!"   So that sealed it!  I was his Valentine!  What that meant I didn't know!  But I was his Valentine!

Happy Summer Solstice, 2015 Post # 60

Happy Summer Solstice,

My sweet old friend
May you be surrounded by the joy of endless summer days,
The peace of resting in the afternoon sun
And love in the moonlit night as you bask under the stars of an indigo sky.

Another good night, my sweet solstice friend.  Summer, fall, winter, spring...and once again we will say hello.

A Spoken Word Post #59

In general, I wouldn't have responded to a message from some Sketch McSketchinson whom I barely knew.   But one night, upon going to bed I prayed from my heart to God, my guardian angels, and the universe.  Having been in a 20 year marriage and only dated one person since,  my experience is very limited and any type of internet dating/hook-ups are not my thing.

Over the past year and a half, I'd gone to dinner with a few men and was saddened to find that, regardless of social status, income, and profession, there is alot of riff raff going on with middle aged men - that which I didn't care to be a part of.   Having watched my single friends go from one calamity to the next, especially the internet daters, was like opening up a sewer drain into your home and letting all the rats in.  Then you spend the next several years of your life trying to get rid of them.  But in spite of my strategic approach to live life doing what I love (my projects) and hoping that my soul-mate prince would simply show up, the only ones that hopped to my door were toads.


So one night I prayed, asking for a life partner with the character, life passions, and energy that matched mine, and  one who would stand in a crowd of a thousand women and say, "You!  You're the one!"   And... whom it wouldn't creep me out.  I don't remember ending the prayer, but I fell asleep with a hole in my heart that only a true soul mate could fill.  But the answer to that prayer came straight out of left field.

 I woke up the next morning to a voice (not audible) that said very clearly, "You and Scott Carberry would have a blast together!"  I argued back, "Scott Carberry?!?  The freckled kid who sat 'over there' in elementary and junior high school?!"  I was offended that that was all my angels had to offer.  After all, on fb Scott appeared to be a biker and I am petrified of motor cycles and not the chicken-liver you want on the back of your bike.  He lives in Arizona and I in Alabama.  "Not gonna happen!"  But the voice goaded me, "Look again!"  Rather than waste one more ounce of energy on another toad, I threw it back  to the universe and said, "If this is a divine answer, he would have to contact me!"   I went about my way and forgot about it.

Scott took this.  I creeped it off his fb page.  :)

Three days later, I opened  FB and there was the message - seen at the end of the last post - telling me I was beautiful.  I couldn't help being shocked at the coincidence of the timing and, at the advice of a friend, responded.  I also did something else I never do; I facebook creeped him!  And in no pictures was there a motorcycle!  But I did see a bald head and realized that the hats and bandannas are for his fair skin that is no match for the Arizona sun.  I saw some of his projects which mirrored my own interests, and the pictures he posted reflected my own passions and heart.  Who'da thunked it!

Another pic that I creeped from Scott's photos

Over the next few months, our friendship grew via phone, text and fb.   Scott shared his passions for travel, refurbishing projects, cooking, and getting more fit to embark on the second half of our lives.  Although we never mentioned a relationship or talked in any way that would seem like we were more than friends,  he often referred to us in a life-long context and for some reason, that felt very natural.  Our plan was that he would come and visit me during the Christmas holidays and we would tour my area on the Gulf Coast, then the Mississippi Coast, and spend a couple days in New Orleans.  Later I would go see Arizona.

I took this at the Greer's Christmas Party in 2014.

But simultaneous to us talking, he had injured his foot getting out of a pool and it became infected.  Being diabetic, it led to foot surgery and 45 days of  treatments.  I did the math and realized he would not be released to travel.  Scott counted the weekends as part of the 45 days but in reality it was  55 days - right through the holiday season.  He was determined right up to Christmas Eve, when the doctors would not okay him travel.

   He lives in the same general area as his family and when he wasn't spending time with them the week between Christmas and New year's, he was alone and often called at those times.  For me, the invitations offered early on had expired after I declined and the would-be hosts made alternative plans.  So, being that my children were in New York, I spent the holiday season alone - hence my post, "How to Spend Christmas Alone and Not Have it Suck."  But this was the turning point in Scott and my journey together.

The Waiting Place Post #58

 

  Growing up, Dr. Seuss books were my favorite and, as an adult, "Oh, The Places You'll Go" captures my heart.  Perhaps it is because it's a short synopsis on the seasons of life and the writer does a great job reminding the reader that each one - good or bad - is just that...a season.  Once again, I find myself resonating with the writing style of the book as it relates to this particular time of my life.  The waiting place.


           "For people just waiting.
             Waiting for a train to go
             Or a bus to come, or a plane to go
             Or the mail to come, or the rain to go
             Or the phone to ring or the snow to snow
             Waiting around for a yes or no
             Or waiting for their hair to grow.
             Everyone is just waiting
             Waiting for the fish to bite
             Or waiting for wind to fly a kite
            Or waiting around for Friday night
             Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
             Or a pot to boil, or a better break
             Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
             Or a wig with curls, or another chance.
             Everyone is just waiting...."

       We all find ourselves in that place from time-to-time, waiting for an answer to a job interview, or a baby to be born, a wedding, a special event, or perhaps waiting for someone to get ready to get out the door, or for a doctor who places  no value on our time.   But there is another waiting place; one where very few lucky people never have to experience but for those who do, their lives are catapulted into a different dimension where they hang in automated suspension just waiting.  And wondering....

It is a place where a loved one is experiencing a life threatening illness or injury and revolves around ICU units and hospital waiting rooms and can often drag on for weeks or months in a perpetual cycle of bargaining, shock, anger, denial, and grief, not necessarily in that order. That is where myself and other loved ones of my boyfriend Scott have been for the past month or so when he came down with a bad case of pneumonia as a side effect from antibiotics and this led to a whole other slew of illnesses, infections , and blood clots on the lung; some of which are side effects of treatments and hospital induced.  But regardless of how it happened, his life now hangs in the balance and in the agony of waiting, everyday I wish I could turn the pages forward to the back of  'our' book to see how this crisis ends.   Yet I'm not so sure I can handle the answer and I see the divine wisdom in the concept of time and the order of which things are revealed to us.

So, rather than cheating time and frantically flipping the pages ahead, I find them gently blowing backwards as the memories play out like a movie in my mind all the way back to the beginning.

Well....almost the beginning...

Facebook - September 2014 : Out of the blue - from the freckled kid who 'sat over there'. in elementary and junior high school.  

 "Wow! You are an amazing beautiful woman in your profile pictures.  I think I'm going to have to start calling you Ms. Bella.  :)  means beautiful in Italian."

How to Spend Christmas Alone and Not Have It Suck: Post #57

            For a variety of reasons – some beyond human control and partly by choice – I found myself spending Christmas alone, something that is beyond comprehension to most, even me until it happened.  In an odd way I have passed a major cultural and psychological test; spending Christmas alone and actually enjoying it.  My kids are in New York with their dad for the holiday, part of our agreement in order for me to move south.  In the few days before, it dawned on me that the options offered early on had expired as people made other arrangements when my original plans were still in place.  There were moments of worry, fret, and disappointment.  After all, if it is my fate to spend Christmas alone, shouldn’t I have a complete meltdown into depression and despair that will take months to recover from?  Some would say, “Yes!  Definitely!”  But that is only because our culture tells us we are supposed to.  I had contemplated going across the bay to the Grand Hotel for a couple of days but in the end decided that, perhaps being alone was just what I needed.  On Christmas Eve night, as I pulled the covers up to my neck, I made a choice that basically melted me into a cocoon of peace and a sound, cozy sleep.  Tomorrow is going to be a great day!

           

On Christmas morning, I woke up with the same eagerness of a kid waiting to see what Santa left under the tree.  I put on what was left of my coffee, showered, did my make-up and hair, and dressed up for the occasion of spending the day alone.   As I put what was also the last teaspoon of cream in my coffee, it was evident that, on this special morning, my extended coffee time was not going to happen because I ran out. However, I took what I had to the living room to enjoy by the tree.  But something was missing besides my three children and the special people that I love – a fate I had already accepted.  Santa had obviously failed to show.  Perhaps I made the naughty list or something.  But then I remembered, “Oh yeah!  I am Santa!” at which point I promptly placed the gifts I had given myself, a set of cologne and a gold bag, on the ottoman by the tree so I could stare at it.  And as I enjoyed my sparse cup of coffee, I thanked God for three healthy kids, and that all those who I love are safe and sound, even if they are not with me.  Barring a loss or life-altering injury over the previous year, Christmas alone doesn’t have to suck!   The lessons of 2004 – my year from hell - had taught me well; if no one is dying, dead, or brain injured, or going through a divorce – and losing church friends because of it, we are doing real well.  And so on this Christmas day, I am just fine!

            For those who have ever wondered what to do if you find yourself alone on Christmas, I have devised my very own self-help list for you.

Mary Beth’s ‘How to Spend Christmas Alone and Not Have It Suck’ List

1.      For the love of God, PLAN!  Don’t wake up on Christmas with a limited amount of coffee and cream in the house.  Or whatever that first food or drink that sets your day on the right foot; especially when you’re spending it alone!                                                                                                                                 

  2.      Get dressed; fix yourself up as though you are expecting company.  You never know, you may get it and you don’t want to look like something that cat dragged home!

3.      If you are not a selfie picture taker, take a selfie or two.  If you are, take a break from yourself.  I took about my second selfie ever on Christmas morning.  My first was a disaster, intended to send to a friend to prove I was getting ready to get out the door. I immediately deleted it as it was supposed to be of my wet head after stepping out of the shower. But let’s just say, if you are not experienced at taking selfies, just remember, the camera sees whatever you would see from various angles.  Until today, that was a once and done deal.

4.      Display your gifts by the tree.  Then sit there with your coffee or morning beverage of choice and stare at them.


5.      Do your Christmas cards.  I found there was time to think about who the recipient was and write personal messages.  Without the pressures of everyday life I was able to avoid the traditional ‘wham-bam-thank-you-mam’ approach to writing out cards.

I was shocked at the number of people at the car wash.  

6.      Assess your environment.  Scope the hood for potential break-ins.  Know what’s open and what your options are.



7.  Don’t go anyplace on Christmas that you wouldn’t any other day – unless it is a treat.  Driving by Waffle House, I was surprised at how crowded it was and I wanted to find out, “Who on earth would be there for Christmas?”  I found myself turning into the parking lot, only to veer sharply back into the lane when I realized, “I wouldn’t choose to eat there alone if it wasn’t Christmas!  Why subject myself to that today?”

8.      Don’t stop at the first open gas station you see for coffee and cream because, chances are, they don’t sell either!   And don’t settle for ice cream if they don’t have cream.  There IS someplace else open that has it!  

9.        If you did buy ice cream because there was no half and half,  put it in your gas station coffee.  It’s the only way you’ll be able to drink it.

10.      Grab some wine – or not.  I opted not.  But it is a personal choice of whatever will make your day alone on Christmas more special to you.

11.      For God’s sake, get your head out of your Christmas butt and listen to the store clerk when she gives you the total.  ‘Did I really just pay $9.78 for gas station coffee and a half pint of ice cream?’

12.  Promptly throw ice cream gas station coffee away after about the fifth drink when you realize that 'ain’t nothin gonna help that coffee!'

13.  Throw away bad beans.   Nobody needs bad beans!  Especially when you’re alone on Christmas.

14.  Swing on your porch swing.  You have time!

15.  Spy on your neighbors.  We all know that anyone with a life or any regard for the privacy of others has no time to spy on their damn neighbors.  But on Christmas day, when you are all by yourself and nobody is watching, you do have time!  Because, let’s face it!  Today, you don’t have a life!  And 90% of them aren’t home anyway so… spy away!

    16.  Throw out dead flowers.  Out with the old and dead, in with new life.  It’s almost New Years and a new year!

.

As you can see, there is really no magical list that will miraculously get you through a solo Christmas.  Even the mundane things of life can keep us amused if we so choose.  It is a choice made ahead of time that, no matter what; it’s going to be a good day!  It is taking a moment to be thankful for the things that seem so mundane but, when our lives are suddenly catapulted into a crisis, we wish for nothing but the mundane.  It is gratitude for what is and faith in what may be.  It is choosing to be hopeful, reflective, nostalgic, and all those things that make the holiday season wonderful, whether or not you are spending it alone.

Happy Holidays!